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Going to see Avatar with Tyler on Thurs. Review will be up on Fri.

New Year's Resolution

New Year Resolution: Must stop swearing..... oh shit, I'll never make it!

Student. Not Stat.

98.4, 96.3, 94.4, 97.2- Great Averages

66.2, 64.2, 69.4, 70.1- What is wrong with these kids

That is how the school, state, and DOE think.

Do they ever realize that it may be the teachers doing it wrong? No, not the teachers, innocent humans. They are the ultimate person. All they're trying to do is cram info into our tiny little brains.

At this point, I would like to slap a few of my teachers.

To be continued tomorrow.

The Waiting Game

There she is. Standing in front of the school. Pretty eyed. Pirate Smile. Eat your heart out Elton John. I stand a few feet away. Watching. Waiting. For that perfect moment. In my head I can see it: I'll walk up to her casually, exchange hellos, smile, run out of things to say, smile.

Then. He. Walks. Up.

He. Harry. The boy who wants to make my life a living hell. This is his next chapter. He walks up to her smiles, talks, walks away.

There was my chance. Blown. Gone. Done. Over. Try Again.

Then, as if a miracle sent from the clouds, she drops her books. They spread everywhere. Here's my chance. Running up like the hero of the morning, I help her pick it all up. She smiles that brilliant smile at me. Her eyes light up. 

There was my second chance. Every line I said worked to perfection. 

Then she walked down the hall.

I stand, amazed.

Playing the Waiting Game.

New Novel

After two failed book attempts, I'm writing my third novel. I don't want to reveal too much about it but its not a happy book. I don't even have a title for it.

"Hurt"- Johnny Cash/Nine Inch Nails

I've heard of teens becoming addicted to some drug or alcohol but I never thought it would hit as close to home as it did this week.

Friday 4:34 PM: Ring. Text message received. It's from Sam. He says to go to the hospital as soon as I can. Dad's home so I'm there within ten minutes. Sam's waiting in the ER with tears in his eyes. He says Izzy (his Gf) was taking drugs and drinking without anyone knowing and had overdosed. We sit down and talk for a bit. 

6:17 PM: Nick, Mike, Kevin, and Vinny arrive. It pains me to watch Sam have to explain the whole thing over again. Some other kids from school arrive later. We say hi. All is silent prayer until we decide it's too late to stay and go home. We leave at 9:45. Sam stays until 11:00.

Monday 8:05 AM: Sam and I stand talking by the lockers. He says Izzy's gotten worse. I asked him how no one knew that she was doing this. He said her parents found out cleaning one day and he never knew. Izzy was a great kid. She hated it if we were sad and would make every effort to cheer us up. 

1:44 PM: The hospital had called Izzy's parents. Her condition had worsened. Sam and I leave school to go to the hospital. Izzy looks horrible. A million tubes are hooked up to her. Her skin is a sickly yellow and she looks so pale. Sam breaks down. I leave the hospital and go home to call and tell friends about her.

Tuesday 8:12 PM: Ring. Not a text this time. A call. From Sam. I can barely make out his words as he tells me Izzy has died. 

9:15 PM: Izzy has been pronounced dead. 10 of us stand around Sam consoling him. After, we head back to my house for a remembrance gathering.

Nothing can be as bad as what Sam is going through right now. The wake, funeral, and burial are tomorrow. 

"Imagine"- John Lennon

On a side note: 64 cases of Swine Flu have been reported in the US as of this post. Please be careful and stay healthy.

No War. World Peace. Let's think about this. That would mean:

• The 851.88 MILLION tax dollars we spent on the Iraq War would still be in our pockets. 
  
• 99,991 Iraq civilians would be returning home for dinner right about now.
• Over 100,000 Americans would be sitting at home watching the baseball game.

An in my opinion, the most important:

• We children could grow up knowing that we would not have to worry about paying off war debts, and focus on friendship.

I have returned.

I have returned to this blog much happier than I left. Things are starting to look a lot better and my outlook on life is improving. I've learned to focus on the small things and enjoy every minute of my life. I will post a more detailed entry tomorrow.

"Perfect"

We'll love you when your perfect.

Push a little harder!

Try a little more!

SHUT UP!

Mom, dad, I can't be perfect! I can't get 100's every test. I, like every other kid, do sometimes forget my homework. I love you guys but you make me feel like I have to push myself constantly. Like whatever I get isn't good enough for you. If I get a 99, "Where did the one point go?" If I miss a homework assignment, "How could you forget that!?" It drives me nuts. I love you but you really need to lay off. And to Mrs (teacher name), no one could ever possibly live up to the standards you set.

Depression

It washes over me in waves. No matter how hard I try, I can't stop it. It comes just like the ocean surf. No sleep last night. I tossed and turned. The only sound to console me was the ticking of the clock on the wall. I feel like no one can help me. No matter how many times they say: "I'm sorry." or  "Chin up!" I can't seem to become happy again. I've almost forgotten the feeling entirely. I feel empty without her. She completed me.

No one ever thought we were serious but we were. I loved her. She loved me. That's how it works right? Then why did it have to end like it did? She just said we didn't click? Not like her. Is she cheating? Paranoia also set in last night. I kept replaying almost every second we were together. 

Breakup

She told me we didn't click.

We just wouldn't last.

Should I move on from her?

Or stay in the past?

Why should I bother?

Why should I care?

But she crushed my heart.

It just isn't fair.

What if I thought we clicked?

Didn't she notice?

All the gifts I had given her?

The bracelets and roses?

We still have to pass

In the hall everyday.

I try to forget, 

Push it away.

But the memories never fade.

They don't go away.

They'll be there forever

I sit in dismay.